You don't Know what I'm thinking! Or do You?
For almost three years I swam aimlessly in the void between friends and boyfriend. What started as a friendship soon became intimate, so I asked Jessica to be my girlfriend. She said although we had a connection greater than a friendship she didn’t believe we should date.
I explained our compatibility. Based on similar values, physical attraction, and proximity we should have dated. She said the deciding factor was an unexplainable desire to be with a person. She said she needed to experience “butterflies” before she was sure she wanted to date me. The idea of butterflies being the deciding factor was absurd. I gave her substantive evidence of our compatibility and the only thing stopping us from being a couple was butterflies!
Following the years of my initial proposal, I came to the conclusion there was a direct relationship between her butterflies and my availability. Jessica would always argue I didn’t know what she wanted because I wasn’t in her head but experiments conducted by Nesbitt and Wilson based on similar parameters showed observers make identical attributions as actors even when the observers didn’t experience the stimuli given to actors. After spending years observing and analyzing her I developed an accurate understanding of the priori theory used to identify who Jessica wanted to date. The problem was she wasn’t completely aware of the theory her decisions were based on, she was only aware of the butterflies which came as a result of qualifiers being fulfilled. I realized compatibility followed by availability was the driving force of her butterflies. the reason she never felt the need to date me was my initial availability. From time to time the butterflies for me would come and go. There was strong correlation with her feelings of butterflies and how available I was. Feelings are complex and multifaceted but given enough information and the context within which a person thinks, your ability to read their mind is as good as theirs.
Source:"Telling More Than We Can Know: Verbal Reports on Mental Processes" :http://www.people.virginia.edu/~tdw/nisbett&wilson.pdf
Posted by: Michael Aflakpui(1)